Saturday, 23 June 2007

Not so happy-go-lucky

I should not be writing this. I should not have the time to write this. I should be on my way to France for a weekend with friends and family. I'm not. I'm home, hungover and angry with myself for way too much whiskey last night. As you may have guessed this one is not about Loki. It's about the man behind Loki. Most of the time we are a lot alike apart from the looks and even there, some similarities exist. But, there are difference as well.

Last week was a rather turbulent one. I think I've managed over time to make Loki a nice, easy going, creative, somewhat flirty guy who lives his second life to the fullest. Last week however the differences between us blurred. Loki became the angry and melancholic drunk I sometimes am. I have always tried to keep that side of me away from him since it's a part of me I don't like and I don't particularly want to bother others with. Last week it shone through, bright and clear.

In a way I guess it was inevitable. We can pretend, we can disguise, we can make believe but in the end we are who we are. Loki is part of me, the better part I hoped but as it turned out he wasn't immune to my own bad spells. It's rather ironic it was actually SL spilling over into RL that brought all of this on. I always thought I could keep both lives nicely separated, but as many before me I have to admit now I couldn't.

For those of you who met with Loki's darker side I want to say I'm sorry. To all the rest who probably don't have a clue what I'm talking about I'll promise to clean up my act and make Loki the happy-go-lucky guy he always was again so hopefully you will never have to deal with me.


Mylena said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kimo P. said...

Hmmmmm, don't think I've ever met
Mr. Popinjay's dark side...
*but pulls up the seat next to him, grabs the bottle to share a pour and puts an arm around him*
Hey,....been there, done that.

Phoenix Ellsberg said...

/me offers a huge hug

I understand all of this only too well. I have been struggling to find that balance between the RL me and the parts of me I present in SL for a year now and I still have days when the two worlds merge with disastrous consequences. But, you will be fine, you will find your way, and those who trul care about you will understand and forgive and love you, in both worlds. Take care...

Tenchi Morigi said...

well i hope you remember whar i told you yesterday. the offer is still up and you are welcome anytime.


Bella March said...

Whatever darkside we all have, you are no other then all the rest of us.
Aren't we all struggling with our own deamons and fears ? Don't we all want to make a better life ?
Even if only half of what I saw of Loki in SL would be true, there would be enough Loki to be proud of.
You are a remarkable person Loki, don't forget this ... ever ...
/me hugs Loki
We have to cope with our deamons and our real identity, but as long as we try really hard to let our better part shine through,

CB said...

Loki, we are all humans behind our avatars. Even if we dont want to be dramavatars, most of us can't keep our act clean and always be drama free. Just keep strong and don't forget your avatar is there to help you escape all of this when needed.

Hope things goes better for you, from someone who has her own issues and understands